couturedemure

My work has taken over my life. I will see everyone in September, maybe.

Pom Wonderful is great. Pom X is gross. Epic marketing fail.

I got three samples of PomX this morning as I walked to work. Yay! I remember being introduced to Pom Wonderful this way, and treating myself to a $4 bottle as a result. Beautiful bottle, healthy delicious product. This does not translate to coffee. It's bad, watered down coffee flavored milk-water with a chemical aftertaste.

I'm so annoyed I have three bottles of this stuff now and no desire to drink it. Don't mess with New Yorker's morning coffee, people.

Buffalo exchange is the promised land of designer brands for poor girls.

While forever 21 stuff sells at near retail prices (huh?), I spotted dresses by Diane Von Furstenburg, DKNY, Opening Ceremony, Vena Cava, Joie, Marc and more. I wound up buying a dress that retails for $440, from Thread Social's Fall '08 collection for $30. The same exact dress I nearly bought at a sample sale, thinking it was $75, then dumped because it was $110. Also got a very practical Built by Wendy button down for $12, which likely retailed for $140. I had to stop myself, but I sincerely regret not getting the softest sweater in the world- a giant fluffy Catherine Maladrino thing for $36, that I'm sure retailed in the $600 range.

I resolved that I was going to go to a thrift store once every few weeks to hone my thrifting abilities. But they're pretty good already. I could spot a shirt from a rack away and know it was something special, and sure enough, it would be some designer beyond my normal buying abilities.

I love NY- there is never any reason to pay retail in this city. And this economy is a label whore's dream. I'm so going to go broke saving money. Anyone for a shopping day?

While this feels like the least new new years in history, I do have a few resolutions. Last year I accomplished paying off my smallest but highest rate student loan, buying a stove (the first step to a new improved kitchen), keeping a basil plant alive, patching up some friendships, getting a new job, seeing lots of art and getting back into good, whole cooking.

This year I'd like to:
Love:
-Set relationship resolutions. We get frustrated by the same things over and over. Let's address them as they come up and attempt to find a fix instead of getting even more annoyed.

Environment:
-Keep more edible plants & garden. Use the garden in my building more. It's a shame I'm not at BCM where they have plentiful tomatoes and kale, but I've got sage, rosemary, lavender, peppers, chives...I'm not only going to use them, but in October I will dry them and make teas.

-Make more things at home. From dinner to detergent. More infused vodkas and inexpensive but creative things to bring to parties and give as gifts. In 2008 I got my Martha on a lot, and found it hugely satisfying. But this year I want to pickle, jar sauce, make teas, make cordials, and make home cleaning products like detergent and cleaners.

-Waste less. Sure I carry a water bottle around and have started on a coffee thermos, but I can do better about printing on scrap paper and tossing out take out containers. Intrinsic to this is to start composting again. Since I can get to the farmers market before work, I can bring my bag of compost there once a week.

Money:
-Cut down Superfluous bills. There is no reason I should be spending $140 on time warner when I never use my land line and my internet connection is crazy slow, despite paying for fast and my building gets a subscriber rate. Also- keep credit card usage to a minimum.

-Check account balances often & track.

FITNESS:
-Bike. I can bike to work everyday! Note: Must check winter sales for bike gear.

-Gym. I work by one finally, so I should join it. Ask boss about taking noon spinning classes and working later. Spin 3x a week. Yoga 2x a week. Do not get convinced to buy lululemon workout clothes because everyone else is wearing.

STYLE:
-do not buy anymore dresses or summer clothes. Yes, really. Buy winter dresses and cold weather stuff. (exception- something for this years crop of weddings)

Hotels, airfare, cabs, food, presents for wedding, shower, bachelorette...

This is the year of the wedding and it all adds up. I get so excited for my friends that I'm happy to shell out for these things, but I've been feeling very quid-pro-quo about things lately.

Will I get married? I don't know. Honestly I would prefer not to. I don't dream of being a princess; of wearing a dress and being the center of attention. I like being the support, the planner, the wingman. The idea of all my friends and family celebrating me is terrifying. Not to mention that I have felt conflicted about the entire concept of marriage since I was 17. Love and commitment should not be defined by a highly contested word. We're not even going to get into the "with who" question.

Part of this question is that I am facing 30 and can't deny a bit of a biological clock. But most of it is looking at my finances and realizing how much I am spending on friends weddings. Could it be that we succumb to the peer pressure of friend's weddings and feel like we need to even out the bill? For instance: I spent $150 on X friend's wedding, I expect to see that back at MY wedding. Although 80% of my gifts are benevolent- I'm SO excited about giving something on such an amazing, hopefully once in a lifetime event to a person I love- 10% of it is obligatory and maybe 10% is that I don't want to be shafted if I have a wedding.

So what happens if I don't get married? Can I do a Carrie from SATC and do a registry for Manolos? Or should I just marry anyone so I can complete my kitchen?

[note: this entry does not mean I am getting engaged, thinking of getting engaged or breaking up with current boyfriend. It means that I am taking my relationship one day at a time and am not rushing anything. It means that the idea of throwing a wedding is both so tangible based on the sheer amount I attend, and so abstract because I love my independence, apartment and anti-marriage politics.]

The spots are EVERYWHERE!!!! It's insane. I feel better now that I have two doctors who are committed to my improvement (a derm and an internist), and it was worth the hoops I had to jump through to change doctors. For instance: at my old doctor they referred me to a derm who didn't have an appointment available for 2 weeks. At the new place they called the derm for me and I walked right over, waited 20 minutes and was seen.

I was hoping a miracle for this morning, after taking the mega high dose of steriods, but nope, still polka dots all over. Tonight I'm heading to a wedding in Philly, and luckilly I found a dress that covers most all my dots. My face isn't red; the lumps aren't too noticable, and they're not heavily concentrated on arms. I just looks splotchy. Not "dear god, what's wrong with you!?"

I was dreading taking the boy to the wedding, because he doesn't like weddings and it's going to be an intense night of friends. Lots of people I only see once or twice a year. Lots of names, lots of gossip he will not get. But he wanted to come. And I'm so glad now that he did, because everyone wants to meet him and he'll be my splotchy support system (of course he was brilliant at getting me though this). I've warned him about how I am a wedding waterworks, but I don't think he has *ay* clue. And he better get used to it because the wedding list is growing: Fabiola in September, JC & JJ in November, then next season is Nic's indian wedding (fun!), Rich and Niki, Sof & Danny (they want me to arrange a burn for them as my wedding present- Ben, I might commission a giant poodle from you), and Ileana's second wedding. I imagine a few more will pop up- coworkers, burners etc.

Running parallel to weddings are funerals. Three burner deaths, 2 that I knew, 1 that was someone I was well acquinted with and had camped with. Now I learn my cousin Henry--who was 26--died. Next weekend I have an engagement party and a funeral in a 6 hour span.

Yet all I can think about is CONTAINER and BURNING MAN.

Last Sunday: got stung by bee. Entire leg covered in rash. Go to doctor. With medicine rash becomes large purple bruise. Am sickened by self.

This Saturday: Wake up, notice chest and stomach covered in small red bumps. Red bumps continue, getting worse. Make sure it's not measles, small pox or shingles. Am now leaving work to go to doctor. Freaking out.

We arrive at the farm, hours after schedule because of too much stress from too many directions. But it's ok, the farm instantly makes me happy and relaxed. J runs out of the car and into the barn, emerging on a riding mower which he drives away in. I laugh because I know I'm going to see this image of him in his hat on the mower all weekend. We bring our tent and bags up to the spot in the distance that he mowed for us- private, flat and with a view of the mountains. Later that weekend we start referring to our tent's location as "Malibu Hills," overlooking the city or "suburban sprawl."

Once again, everything was perfect. J and I felt more practiced this time too- a long time friend of his commented on a semi-private exchange we had and said it was "understated and beautiful." She's seen him through a lot of ups and downs, so her enthusiasm for us means a lot to me. We spent time with both groups of friends, and we genuinely like each other's friends. At points over the weekend mutual friends of ours try to kiss J, which he handles gracefully and never even tells me. I hear from them, when they apologize to me and laud his restraint.

The effect of the weekend was like a compressor. I feel so excited about going to the playa now. My friends are the greatest, my relationship is strong, and my camp is pretty amazing. The New York community has become smaller to me and I know many more people than I did last time. There is only one cloud on the horizon (other than the ridiculous cost of this trip), and it's one that makes my stomach clench. I'm hoping for a miracle.

Last night JFH gave me a few dates for us to hang out, and I had to veto them all. JV and I went over the art stuff we want to see and had no weekend time to see it. And the emails...so many emails. Went to bed at 2-ish last night because we were working on things for party on Saturday. Saturday I train, Sunday I try to sleep off being up all night for party. Hoping that I can take JV out to dinner at Marlow & Sons as a thank you for him being awesome.

Work is bad. Not going to get into it, but in general I feel forgotten and bored. I do my work with minimal supervision, turn out the same product over and over, and am treated more like machinery than a member of a team. I crave a work environment where there is creativity and teamwork.

Training is going amazingly, but it wears me out and steals my free time. Last night JV met me after training and we bought food and ate it on top of a rock in central park and my stretched my tired muscles from a 4 mile run. Tri training is my relief- nothing like pounding out a few miles to get out stress. Snuggling helps too.

Friday my new stove came. Shiny and modern, it puts my whole kitchen to shame. Friday night jv and I moved the old stove out of the way, exposing the gap where a stove has been since I moved in 4 and a half years ago. I expected filth. While icky, it was not as bad as I thought. It also exposed asbestos tiles and the original crumbling walls. We switched gears, scrubbed down the space and then I painted over the tiles, laid down linoleum, and attempted to caulk some holes. At midnight. The next morning the stove came, the boy installed it while I stood around and pretended I was useful.

Since I had the day off we wandered downtown to look at a bike EL recommended for me. I wound up loving the next model up, a Trek 7.3- which was NOT women specific. That was a surprise to me. Then we went to Crown Heights for Klingrap's birthday party and drank sherbet "princess punch" in the waning sunshine. I got a little too drunk and has a ridiculously fun time handing my Butter dress to everyone I saw, making them try it on to prove the One Sized Fits All amazingness of it. Swayworn then broke out a baggy of pink powder, which I thought was princess coke. No, it was Miraculin, the berry that changes your tastebuds! A tray was set up with all sorts of odd flavors. It took the edge off of sour- retaining the flavor, but making everything neutral or sweet. Sadly I left early due to training, but got talked into getting off the train to go to my favorite restaurant, the taco truck.

Woke up at 6:30 to train. Bike 5 miles there, run 5 miles, bike 5 miles back. 90 degrees. Told my bike it was sexy about 100 times. "Look at you shifting gears! You're so sexy, you know it too, you know he was checking you out." Spending your entire stimulus check on a bike can make you insane. More on training blog.

Went out to redhook for dress shopping. I think I need to write an entire entry about this. Six women in a sample sale, then brunch. It was an estrogen fest that I have not felt since college and it made me giddy. The combination of dress up matched with purchase power was weirdly intoxicating. Or maybe it was the 90 degree heat and sun. I will theorize about this in detail later, fer sure.

Went home, napped, scrubbed floors and cleaned closet. Was grateful for air conditioning.

A certain someone may pass up a weekend at the farm to go to a dress sale. But it's a *great* dress sale. Right now single girl weekend with dress sale and a trip to LeNell's and Baked in Redhook, brunch in Carroll Gardens and playing around with my new stove is about equal to spending time at the farm with bluenecks.

Oh yeah, I got a new stove. After 4 years of saying I was going to do this, J provided the proactive push I needed by doing the research for me and going to stores, pricing things and sending me pictures from his blackberry. Basically all I had to do was throw down my credit card. He's gonna install the thing for me too, saving me $145. The stove is lovely, stainless steel and was on sale. Sealed burners, finally. First experiment: ginger beer. Carbonation will be provided on a home-made rig, using (to begin with) baking soda and vinegar. If this is delicious, then a REAL rig will be made, using a C02 tank.

The ginger beer idea came about from my new cocktail mixing obsession. I want to make dark and stormy's with this jamaican rum a security guard at the Museum gave me. One day he asks if I like to drink. Answer was obviously yes. So the next day he gives me a plastic bag I'm not allowed to open with some serious rum inside. I've been saving it for a special occasion (watch for its debut tomorrow). But that's just a basic cocktail. I've been playing with bitters, making simple syrups with mint, basil and lemon balm growing in my garden and throwing together mojitos, mint juleps, even something called a parakeet (with Justin's lemoncello) and other exciting combinations.

I have a feeling christmas gifts will be of the home-made alcoholic variety again. Stay tuned!

At Camp D, stars dominated the sky at night. It was an incredible sight. Looking up at night we saw a shooting star and I was told to make a wish. I did. It came true the next day.

Camp D makes wishes come true. It really is magical.

Strangely enough, I've been enjoying this whole running thing.

For the past 3 running practices we have steadily increased the challenge. Week one- just run. Week 2- run three 10 minute drills, then the next practice, three 10 minute drills on hills. Now, on week three we're expected to run 30 to 40 minutes without stopping.

Saturday morning I again jumped on my bike and rode to practice in riverside park, after having reluctantly sent my boyfriend away so that I could get a better nights sleep and have less problems in the morning. As I arrive I see a crowd of runners led by my coach. How was I that late?!?! Oh no! I'm so ashamed! Except they were the crowd from the NYC Tri group. They meet at 7:30 in the morning to run and bike and don't stop training until almost noon. And that will be our schedule in the summer. OH YAY. We had our bike clinic and I learned that an "entry level" road bike will cost me $650. This sport gets less and less accessible by the day.

On Wednesday I came back for my running session, doubting my ability to keep pace for 30 minutes. Well, I did it! I ran alone for most of it, focusing on my stride. Marathon running is not like regular running. Cadence is very very high- meaning more very short strides. Having a history with sprinting, I'm used to long gliding strides- but that tires the body out very fast. However, you look like a moron taking these tiny strides.

I ran at the back of the lead pack for most of it, but then the lead pack started breaking up and I managed to hold my rhythm, buckling a bit on hills. At each hill I would swear it was the end of me, that I needed to finish and start walking. Then the road would flatten and I'd get a burst of energy. We ran from Columbus Circle to the Met Museum and back. A good three miles in 30 minutes. When we ran back I was running downhill and was able to run to the front, pass people and keep a good pace. People chatted and laughed and it was a good time. It started raining 3/4 into the run and it was the most refreshing, wonderful feeling. I threw my head back and let the rain roll down my face.

So I'm liking this. More and more each day. The people are pretty cool, though likely not people I'll invite to a dinner party. It's a lot of corporate irish bar after work people. But the feeling of "in this together" prevails.

Last night I had my second session of training, dedicated to running. Over the weekend I bought a pair of running shoes and some gear. Feeling trepidatious about this venture, it seemed ridiculous to spend so much on shoes and clothes, but I knew they'd come in handy at other points in my life. It's pretty stupid not to own a pair of sneakers. So I changed into them at work and went to Columbus Circle to meet up with my group, all dressed and ready to run.

The training consisted of three "out-and-backs"- where we run in one direction for 5 minutes, and turn around and run back. They're supposed to be social, allowing us to talk and get to know each other. This time people actually talked to me! I stayed in the back, pacing my run as to not go to fast. It really helped to talk while running. By the third out and back I felt this amazing burst of energy and happiness, reminding me how I felt after I would have a really tough spinning class. Runners high?

Although running was hard, I was happy with myself for finding a pace and sticking with it and running for almost 3 miles. Maybe my biking provided a good foundation, because I wasn't as winded as I thought I'd be. In fact, I was thinking positive thoughts of "I can do this!" It helped that I was keeping pace with the mentors, who have done a few of these and are there to offer advice and help keep you motivated. They claimed they were "saving their energy." Ok yeah, me too.

After the runs we ran to a large patch of grass and did core work. The core work was remarkably similar to pilates and focused on all my strengths. Squats? Below parallel. Side plank? Sure, want me to hold my leg up too? My hip flexors are very open, I have a strong core and lower back and I like squatting, so I was able to do everything without moaning and groaning at the "advanced" level.

Very good for my ego.

[Eventually these will be posted to my training website, as a way of raising money towards ending blood cancer. I hope you'll follow along, as I struggle through this- my struggle being only a fraction of what victims of this disease have to go through.]

I woke up psyched. After going to bed at 10 on a friday night and waking up at 6:30, I did not expect to be in such good spirits. Training was to take place at 90th and 5th ave, the entrance to the CP Reservoir path. Since there is no good way of getting there from my house, I figured I should bike. It would only take about 30 minutes to get to 96th, and another 20 to get through the park. So at 7 AM I got my ass onto the trail and had a beautiful and empty ride south, and was only passed by 2 spandex-monsters, the intense road bike guys who leave and breathe biking.

I had mishaps getting to where I needed to be (kind of unfortunate for me that the CP road runs south on the west side, so I would have had to bike down to 59th to get across), but luckily at 7:40 in the morning no one is around to complain. I was one of the first to the training...and the only person on a bike. Our coach and mentors came and gave us some talk about foundations. Then we had a 10 minute run.

Let's start with some facts. I don't run. I also don't own sneakers. And I haven't run for 10 minutes since...um...high school? It hurt- every second my body screamed to me to stop. But I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one who walks. My natural pace is fast- probably too fast for the group and for marathoning. Talking to other people helped and so did watching the sights.

Team in Training is huge. There were over 50 people in the group, and the Tri-athalon group is one of the smaller ones. A friend in a marathon group said there were over 100 people in her session. We're a force to be reckoned with.

Coach showed us how to run, gave us drills and showed us core work including squats. I was super excited to squat (I'm a dork), but the exercise of holding a squat for a minute then running 100 meters made me very upset. When the session ended I drained my water bottle and walked with the group to the running store to have an "equipment clinic," and bagels!

The equipment is expensive. Running shoes, sweat wicking shirts, shorts, socks. Bikes. Swimsuits, goggles. There is a whole new dimension of overwhelmed. Add money woes to the questions of HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO THIS? and HOW AM I GOING TO RAISE THE MONEY FOR THE EVENT?

So I bike back uptown and it's the hardest bike ride I've ever done. I can't make it up hills I usually can. I walk into my apartment and collapse on the couch, convinced I was going to die. The foreboding warning from the mentors "Just wait" was ringing in my ears.

How the hell am I going to do this?

So I'm training for a triathlon now.

Stop laughing!!!

When I was 25 I made a pact with a few friends that we would do "26 for 26" - ie. run a marathon together around our 26th birthday. I started training a little, then I got a boyfriend. Training stopped. Honestly, I was looking for an excuse for it to end.

I was also biking a lot that year. To school and back. Every time I had errands. It was wonderful and freeing. But new boyfriend didn't have a bike and seemed uninterested in biking, and I felt beat up by the hills in my neighborhood. Unable to afford a new bike, I put my bike in storage and forgot about it.

This year I started biking again and loving it. I can afford a new bike (thank you stimulus package!) and after a year of being a spinning diva at the gym, can get up my neighborhood hills on a three speed with...well, definitely not ease, but at a respectable pace. It gets easier every time. Now I'm routinely biking 20+ miles and using my bike as my main transportation on weekends. If I'm in a bad mood, I know a hard ride can make me happy (much the way spinning made me happy). I crave it at night.

So the other day I mentioned my 26 for 26 goal to a friend. She asked me why I don't run. The timing- right after a friend totally blew my mind by running a half marathon (go Jen!), convinced me not to use my usual excuses like "i have a bad hip" and "cause I can't even get around the block!" and question why I don't run. Yeah, my hip does hurt if I run and yeah, I can't get around the block, but I should try to test my limits. So tonight after going to my financial adviser (yet another way of pushing myself) I'm joining SG at the Team in Training meeting to learn about training for marathons (both bike and running).

Some crazy: After talking to my marathon running coworker, she suggested I do triathalons. I laughed my ass off. But it's only as far fetched as running- I can swim forever (my whole family swims and I was a long distance swimmer), I love biking long distances...could it happen?

Um, let's concentrate on running around the block first.

This weekend J:
-set up my tv so I only have to use one remote (holy crap! I didn't know it was possible!)
-fixed my cell phone charger which I accidentally sliced through when cutting fabric with his pocket knife and duct tape, saving me $40 on a new charger
-broke up a fight at Saturday's party in red hook where some guy threatened people and claimed he had a gun (so not the type of party that people with guns would be at!)
-gave me a free drink ticket (ultimately this was a bad thing as it made me forget everything after 3AM)
-took me to a modern dance performance where we sat up at the "booth" seats, staring down at the audience and the show from the AV area.

This weekend I:
-saw bad dance with good company.
-made a dinosaur costume and wore a tail.
-was kneaded by a cat who never kneaded anyone but J before (I swear, he only started liking me after his cats met me and liked me.)
-got drunk enough that people said it was the most drunk they'd ever seen me (um, hello? Amy & Carl's wedding? Where I lost my dress? I've SO been drunker)
-saw art in the Chelsea Hotel- the best part was sneaking away from the bad art and seeing the hotel.
-DANCED. Like a fool. For a long time.
-expanded my circle of friends a bit at the Burner Lab, a meet & greet.
-spent time with recently broken up women and totally understood their freak-outs and frustrations.
-called McDoucheyStilts a "bad man." I was like "you don't know who I am, so this is ok," to which he responded "Bx, I know you are." Oops.
-Worried about making out with people and held back a bit, even though I really wanted to make out with them. Look! I'm improving! I worried!
-realized that I'm dating a great guy and should stop freaking out every 5 minutes.

Luke, does this make sense? I'm trying to post so that non-burners understand my mania.

Staring out current boyfriend's window at ex boyfriend's old apartment.

Soooooo creepy.

*Who would have thought that doing an impression of a retarded tiger (among other developmentally disabled animals- working on ADD panther) would be my most fierce weapon for landing men? Perhaps this speaks to what I look for in them- namely a high tolerance for oddness.

*I met the Smoochbaby the other night. No one could get over how sweet, cuddly and calm she was. I've never held anything so small and young. It's impossible to take your eyes off her.

*Had drama over the weekend with former BFF. Threw my hands up in frustration. After an email from his girlfriend extending an olive branch, I'm ready to bury this. Yeah, I'm still hurt and skeptical, but I've agreed to have coffee with her next week to work through this. Not spending passover with his family would feel wrong.

*I'm busy. At work, with volunteer stuff, with friends. Thinking about a job in Queens- like far away queens. I'm craving a Saturday morning to sleep in and make breakfast or a weekend to escape upstate. But the season is beginning. Glamtech is here! Acavallo is here! Gotta make costumes and get ready for the dust.

*Mmmm dust. Is it wrong that I shoved my head in my playa boot the other day to breathe it in? Yes it is, on many levels. Still have a lot of thinking to do regarding that. Oh yeah, applied for Transformus, the North Carolina regional burn. What to bring!?


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